A Nightmarish Morning Walk

A walk – well different people have different kinds of thoughts and views. It can be relaxing, exciting, boring, punishing, fearing, worrying, enjoying or even a Nightmare! But wait!! A walk can be a nightmare? Ofcourse for a person like Samu, it is bound to be.

Samuel and Reata have been now married for a little more than nine years and have not been successful in increasing their tribe. The reason is very much in line with the Chicken and Egg controversy and here too the verdict still hangs as to who is to be blamed. Reats has given up her hopes after a couple of painful early abortions and simultaneously applied brakes to her efforts. While Sam also had no option but to give up and apply brakes. Moreover their joint prayers and pilgrimages have also stopped. Some said it’s due to lack of consistency, God alone knows what they were referring to while others said its due to a compatibility issue. In reality none knew it was a communication issue. But this added a new member to their lonely life – a fluffy white kitten whom they called Tom.

The communication problem could be attributed to Reats accent and fast talking along with Samu’s rural upbringing. What he hears and what she says are never the same. All these aside, they lived together cordially with the only exception that they had redefined the word “cordial”. Getting into his early 40s, Samu was beginning to experience health problems while a year and half younger Reats was quite fit thanks to her serious and regular pilates practice. The doctor blamed Samu’s extravagant diet and Reats pointed the blame torch at this paunch. But Samu knew that both meant the same. He found a convincing solution to both the allegations – A Morning Walk. This idea originated as an easy escape route from morning steaming lecture from Reats but in a short time it topped Samu’s list of most loved activities of the day. He had even coerced a group of his neighborhood friends to join him and together they were reliving their teenage mischief. It was well masked under the unwritten right called “As an adult, I can do this”

Their rendezvous at the street corner will be at 6.00 am and a slow 10 minutes walk will take them to the local community park. It’s a bustle of activity at the park and that’s the group’s new found motivation to hang around for about an hour. There is a regularly punctual group of Tai Chi addicts where most of them are past their prime. And from some corner resonates the shrill noise of the karate kids. The release of air from the underbelly at maximum thrust and velocity through the wind pipe and out via the open mouth – Karate at its perfection. A group of Laughter Club members looking up particularly at nothing and laughing loud was a scene worth investing five minutes of Samu’s precious sixty minutes. This club had a couple of “not so old” girls who for some strange reason wore on certain days short Tees in order to laugh better. On those days Samu and his gang invested an additional 5 more minutes. The regular walkers were usually very elderly people who were either fighting their diabetes or hyper tension. Arthritis patients were on a very slow pace. A bunch of athletes always zoomed past and personally kept Samu wondering how a pair of legs could carry a weight five times more than its own and run continuously without a strain on the blood pumping activity of the heart. There were also a group of college girls who clearly looked like having a healthy fun ever morning that sent several adrenalin levels soaring and also a pang of guilt to a few. Samu’s close pal and neighbor Ranga also carried a guilt for a different reason. His natural genes made him ogle at these girls while his age and upbringing was against it and this resulted in him feeling guilty of his act. A customary “Chodo Yaar” from Samu seemed to pacify him everytime but the guilt did return every morning. But for Samu this was the most precious time and he was determined nothing will be allowed to spoil it.

Then there were this random set of show bees type of guys who changed their pace and posture depending on the people in the vicinity. Samu noticed their neighbor Mrs Leel’s son also in the same league but as though pinned by a mutual agreement, nodded and passed each other. Samu also remote controlled his group members from making some over excited raunchy comments as he was constantly scared that some invisible ears would constantly and securely carry the same to Reats ears through her network of IANSOY members. Only recently Samu understood about this informal association as “I Am Not So Old Yet” and along with his group also tried to force gain a membership but realized it was an all exclusive fairer sex enclave.

This mutually harmless non-intervening morning practice continued for close to a year and Samu’s routine included small errands of mostly vegetable purchases and sometimes certain other emergencies. One morning as usual Samu jumped when the alarm went off at 5.30 am and by the time he was ready for his trot at six am, Reats was already in the kitchen preparing her oats porridge. He jumped out into the driveway with springs attached to his heels and he heard Reats scream from inside, “Get banded tomatoes and ginger”. He froze in his steps for a second and his intelligence advised him to walk back in and clarify. But his hyper active mind pounded to him “Your friends are already there waiting. Make it fast or you will be left out as you are already a couple of minutes late”. He screamed back a “oooook” and the springy steps continued.

On reaching the street corner he said aloud the now customary “Hi” five times in varying directions, one each at the group members. There was another excitement in store for the day as they all had successfully instigated Ranga, the most timid among them to smile at the youngest middle aged member of the Tai Chi group and by some conversational means ask her for a coffee at the small makeshift stall in the corner of the park. If he had accomplished this, then all others in the group including Samu would put in efforts to convince their spouses to talk high of Ranga to his wife. This was a great morale booster for Ranga whose capabilities were looked down upon by his boutique owner wife and her folks. To pull this through, Ranga heavily depended on his bank manager friend Samu for ideas, motivation, courage and wisdom.

Banded tomatoes and ginger swam inside Samu’s head. Nothing that his memory could recall would match up to banded tomatoes. And then Ginger. He remembered buying a sizable quantity just the previous day. Were they stolen? Or did Reats make the tried and tested granny’s medicine for facial dark spots and moles masking? Mix ginger juice concentrate with one fourth its quantity of honey along with a pinch of turmeric and apply it on the visible dark spots for two weeks and disappearance was guaranteed. But he had not noticed too many moles or dark spots on his wife’s forehead, cheeks or neck recently. He felt the usual painful pinch due to his hazy memory and unfamiliarity on her zoomed in features. Its been a while since he saw her so close enough he remembered.

When Ranga came to him asking something, Samu mumbled back, “What is banded tomatoes?” Ranga gave a confused look but blaming his overall ignorance, nodded at the intelligence lying in the tricky question. Patting Samu’s back and thanking him, he broke away from the gang and moved toward the Tai Chi group. Samu blinked for a second and then realized the question. Ranga had asked, “How shall I open a conversation with that lady?” Before he realized his folly and could correct it, Ranga was already a foot away from the lady and was in some conversation with her. Wide eyed, Samu saw the unbelievable happen – the lady was rocking with laughter and shaking hands with Ranga. His single question “What is banded tomatoes?” brought out his huge sense of humor, the lady felt. She agreed for a coffee and the gang congratulated Samu for this spontaneous ideas.

Completely dazed he still wondered whether it could be “branded tomatoes”. It made more sense but tomatoes were not branded yet. His sixty minutes flew by. He failed to notice the girls or the neighbor’s son. He reached home a quarter past seven with hands full of bags. Reats dropped the newspaper from her hands and gave him a puzzled look when he deposited all the five bags in front of her on the dining table. Tom jumped at them. One bag was full of ginger and the other four had different varieties of tomatoes in them. In an apologetic tone with drooping eyelids with an intention to induce immunity from her reaction, Samu muttered, “Sorry Reats! I accept my ignorance about banded tomatoes. So I bought all the varieties that were available.”

An expression, till that day unseen on any human face lashed across Reats face. It morphed from surprise to fear to doubt and finally anger. Regret of having married him writ all across her face, she screamed, “What happened to you? Why have you bought tomatoes and ginger? You know that my eldest brother is coming today and tomatoes are not recommended for his graying hair problem. And we just bought ginger yesterday”. Samu softly mentioned in complete genuine confusion, “But you asked for banded tomatoes and ginger this morning when I was leaving…” his voice trailed off. Reats meditated for ten seconds and said slowly in a steel like tone, “I said Get Band Aid. Tom ate my toes. And Tincture. I have scratches on my toes after Tom clawed and chewed them this morning”

Both of them looked away and blamed their fate for the same reason but in different tones. Communication problem once again proved to be the fundamental problem for this Nightmarish Morning Walk.